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Thursday, 12 April 2012

Surprise

Since @cool_creep and @thatchiconpoint have refused to gimme my write-up as they promised, lets click on the keypads. I hope ideas come!!! I was almost certain my new post would be wasted subbing the jobless guy that couldn’t come up with an idea but go about dissing people's avatar on a blog site. The write-up was not normal and was so far from being funny so lemme look away.
With the new spate of robbery hitting Nigeria, I just had to share this with you guys. DO NOT PING, MENTION OR STALK ME on Facebook trying to find out who it happened to cos if I catch myself sey I answer you . Ehen, it is no more news that entering buses is pocket friendly, always readily available and well, it protects you from predators. It also saves you from telling the cab guy to open his boot for "inspection". I hate creepy things, those with guns, knives, rats, well I just hate creepy things. Seems I share phobias with this friend of mine cos if it is not a bike or a drop might just be one chance.
So this friend climbs into a bus by 11pm after the third cab man zoomed off after cursing him in plenty Yoruba. Well, he said he asked politely for him to open his boot so he can observe the activities taking place in that yonder. You keep something for my boot, abi you wan push me inside? Ole, kidnapper! Well, after experiencing scenes you only see in dettol adverts for close to 30 minutes for a drive that should have been to 5-7 minutes, my friend dropped. Still wondering why I keep saying my friend? YOYO!!! The trek down to the house was not funny from all indication, walking a lonely road almost tipsy, a few minutes to midnight can waste all the efforts of the evening. He finally, feeling fine, hits the switch, yezzir, PHCN are on top of their game! Then suddenly those wonderful torch lights, surely not sent from heaven to  help the no light situation.
Welcome oh! hope you had fun, oya oh we have been waiting for you. That your fried rice make too much brain. Ehen, no need to sit, start dey clear your pocket. Hope sey you no just bring change.
It is left for you to imagine the thoughts going through my friend’s mind.
No dey dull us nah, another voice echoed from his bedroom. After removing every bit of dough and metal on him (he does not know the difference between jewelry and metal).
Oga, wait, come pack your shirts for bag, them fine! Your television carton still dey abi? We go wan use am! I go dey pack the electronics, the clothes and other things wey you think sey we go like nah you go pack am!
Well, after about thirty minutes of packing, Oga, nah we get the vectra wey park outside ,you go help us carry our load outside. Hope sey we no dey disturb your sleep! SLEEP? YOU STOLE A BROTHER’S ECSTACY!
All these happened in Nigeria not Somalia and who born my friend wey hin no go arrange “their” load inside vectra boot and for all of you LASTMA peepz, YOYO na you’re on your own!

Sunday, 18 March 2012

It's a day, a great day, we appreciate someone's love, someone's strength, someone's prayers and dedication, we appreciate our mothers!

Mothers...... WONDERS!!!

Their strength makes us soar, their cries move mountains, their joy brings rain.
The pain,confusion and joy of bringing forth, well only the face of a mother could show! I am thankful for my mother, our mothers,who have been through difficult times and those great moments! Its amazing being a mother and so many of us the younger generation are left to feast on our imagination. I know young girls who can't wait, well, I wish them well and would gladly congratulate you this time next year.
It is well known how desperate some women get just to be called mothers, surgeries, voodoo just to name a few. The sacrifices mothers make, career wise,financially and emotionally for their children. Coming from a broken home, I cannot imagine what I must have put my mother through but am always greeted with a big smile on her face. I know I am nothing without my mother so on days like this, I appreciate my mother and so many other mother figures in my life. I love all my mothers and (((in rozay's voice))) Lord knows they love me more! Yes, I adopt mothers, I can't help it because so many have affected my life positively. I continuously thank God for my mother, and for those who have lost theirs, I know the memories shared can never be replaced.
It is not by right we have(had) mother figures, it is a privilege

Saturday, 10 March 2012

My lil' Rant

And they say he sounds like Jay. Ok, if you said he is from Jaytown and that's why you will say so its ok.
I have been listening to music a while now, am opportuned to listen to some real feel good tracks and some of the realest wack you'll ever come across. Thank God most of them do not get uploaded if not na serious danger oh! Some are so bad you will never want to listen to music. So sad someone who calls himself Jaytown's best radio presenter makes it his job to bring such songs to limelight, well after they must have paid! I really don't know what to expect, have you really listened to his show?
Ehen, back to the wack tracks, there was a particular one sent to me all the way from Lagos. Omo if na just because your Papa get money you think you will blow in music at least sound like Davido nah! That 'bros' got swegg and he sounds really nice repeating the same lines, well, even Sonia would confirm that. It was so bad I cried. Yes, it was me literally forcing shit down my ears! You no get Producer abi na wetin? People were really wicked enough to tell you that you are 9ja's fastest rapper. You should have known nah. How come people do not get sarcasm, you can't be Sheldon nah.
The greatest amount of crap I heard sha was during Enigma, Henigmar was a classic sha. From Abeokuta to Zaria,even some stupid boys in Yankee could not make good use of their studio time. I love upcoming acts, well I do have so many friends as upcoming acts but if you no dey sound good, I must tell you oh, kissing arse is not a talent I'll get from staying in Jos. If it is not good, it should NOT be PROMOTED!!!
Thank God plenty wannabes now understand when you say 'I am very busy now'! Please, leave it in your room, a hidden file on your laptop and the beat, well if its any good, give it out to someone who can make use of it. Some of us go buy beat for others, some of us go hype, some of us go hate, its quite unfortunate but some of us go love Kwality! Some of us can also be D'banjs on a Rozay and Lil Issue's track. Meanwhile, its time you really listen to Kwality, he makes Speed and Vic O sound really cool.

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

State of mind

And its that point when I do not know if it is too late to say happy new year or if na to troway face abi una no get calendar for house?
Its been ages, Yes, but boiz haff been hustling,ASUU is making life extra difficult sef,pocket money allocation has been scrapped by the "Federal government, and try complaining you'll hear "Sharaap, are you not at home? What have you done today? You have single handedly finished my food, look at my freezer....EMmmmPppty!!!" It haff do me jare. To think of it, its the time to occupy somewhere, anywhere! We can start from the kitchen to the Minister of Education's office, Some people go campaign finish occupy twitter sha! My class rep is somewhere washing nappies now sef, most likely he'll open a dry-cleaning agency if ASUU allows the strike to continue, call it diversifying.
House sef don tire me, the malls na same faces we dey see everyday, dude, na pictures you dey come snap? Thank God petrol is #97 if not I can not imagine how you jog from Karu to Central Area. I remember the first week of this year,even person wey dey work for Department of Petroleum Resources(DPR) dey complain because his wife wanted to show off their latest entry. "Honey, let us visit my family in Kaduna" woman,  my car has a V12 engine! As if she knows what a V12 engine is. Do not get me wrong, women know loads about cars but not this one! How person go call you honey, you reply with woman? Only JEG could do that. I am going to make sure I have nothing to say about JEG, that is a topic that would make sure you guys do not see me in a year or two... they will surely disconnect my Internet connection this time and send me back to my village to drink garri with fish and plenty palmwine. I will not complain because I am certain the Concert will come alive and he would be forced to bring me back thanks to my Pastor friend. Problem go dey sha because which roads would I pass through to keep me away from our Police infested roads (aka Highway Patrol), I might just be mistaken to be Kabiru Sokoto, collect better beating first then find myself in Abuja. My transport would have been subsidised by government. I might as well still benefit from subsidy or should I call this one a palliative? It is very funny how the Federal government has turned into Use of English lecturers giving us new words every semester! Ah, we can not complain, they do not strike!
  Thanks to everyone who reads this blog and have become part of my small family. I am trying to get the job of being the Chief Gardener in Aso Villa, I hope my resuscitating my little garden would help facilitate my cause. I dey diversify into grass farming sector,200 million no be beans.

Sunday, 11 September 2011

PERFECT GIFT

No stars in the skies, most likely we'll have some heavy rainfall this night... I was rushing back home from visiting a friend. It was just a stone-throw from my place so I stepped  in, made myself comfortable and completely lost account of time! It had been a very long time since I visited so it was certain  I was not going to leave early,no matter the excuse. A nice movie on the television, loud music  and we were discussing in all that chaos. A few other friends had joined us so was much more fun, drinks,sure alcohol,snacks and no particular person was paying atention to anything! This was fun after a very busy week, the ups and downs of work was getting to me so why not unwind, besides tomorrow is Saturday, oh how I love the weekends. More sleep, time to have fun and catch up with my friends online.
Chilax, ah, lets have fun,I was gisting,dancing,games were coming up and well the time consciousness was completely forgotten. Besides my house is justa few blocks away and as it seemed I was more like amongst the Hosts now. It was getting quite late but no one really cared, maybe the alcohol's effect was setting in more than we thought... More noise, neighbours were complaining but who really cared, their turn is tommorrow,besides we won't stop you from joining us!!! Then NEPA striked, choi, why now and hisses was on virtually everyone's lips and then someone checked his watch.... 2AM!!!! JESUS,it cant be true, we've not been here for that long  nah,someone else confirmed then the rush began. Shit, where's my shoe, AH, hold-on abeg, lets walk together since we are on the same route, we'll keep each other company. Oga, abeg lock your door oh, we don dey go, rang in the air, was a nice outing but now my bed was all I could see! I had strolled for a while then I noticed I forgot my room keys in my friend's house so I had to rush back alone, I hope this guy has not slept off oh, where would I sllep now if he has, why didnt I just follow the bunch, surely there would be space somewhere for me to crash. GBA GBA GBAA GBAAA... SKILLZ open the gate oh,!!!  Dude you just got lucky, had almost slept off he said, gimme my key joor, I collected them and hurried off, was so dark seeing buildings was a problem, I could only navigate the path cos it was a road I was very familiar with.
Stop there, I said STOP, MOVE I SHOOT!!! Hian,which one be this oh, Mr Man, were you planning on running? the voice asked and seemed quite close.... From where? one question after the other,seemed he didnt care for reply, should I make a run for it? I sure do have a better knowledge of the scape so....but wait,he said shoot,does he have a gun,who knows, might be bow and an arrow or even catapult... this  was not the ideal weekend I forsaw minutes ago oh, where do I start explaining to this man that am a law-abiding citizen who lost account of time, then the giggle, oh shit, that's Tara, haba, were they also stopped, now Akin was laughing too,could that voice had been Tolu's,yeah, that's what they called him. They all emerged from behind the big rock by the path and screamed we got ya, happy birthday!!! Apparently, my key was removed from my jacket to ensure I went back to Skillz place and NEPA did not actually take the light, an Engineer was employed to throw the whole area into darkness........... AH, I should have known,how did I even forget it was my birthday?

Friday, 5 August 2011

2000

Omo na Don Jazzy cause am sha..... Have you heard my own version of Enigma?
Eni..... what? Choi, dulling boy, Don Baba dropped a new beat and trust your boy naa... I killed it!!! When you turn Musician sotey Don Jazzy don sign you,I asked with my mouth open, oh its only a competition with 2000 dollars as prize money. Haaaa, no wonder,so Ekene as yahoo yahoo no pay na so you join music? Meanwhile since when did you start singing..... Haba Nuel, no dey stroke me like this nah, you na my guy, wetin you want make others talk? Meanwhile as my guy, na you be the first person to hear am! Now I have "dead". Oya let us play it nah, increase the volume so your neighbours go feel my flow..... Ekene, since when you start dey flow join? Wait lemme listen to it first oh! See see, guy you've not even heard it and.... Oya sorry, but my neighbours dey write exams so it will not be loud please.
"Av always wanted to say, Na Who Do da beat oh, Don Baba Jay, incase you don't know, this is my first time in the studio..... Pause  that thing, my guy have you submitted? Nuel listen and shutup!  Oga sorry, play it.
"I guess am big meat" na like that Rick Ross talk am abi? "This 2000 dollaz na me go get am, any other rapper try me, he go break arm" Hia, omo your flows too tight oh! Mehn you get talent like this you no talk since? Ehm, that na why come nah, know you will like it.... ehm, wetin dey be sey we never mix am, auto-tune go join sef, you will like it but abeg borrow me 2000 make we add money go mix am! Eh, you never submit? I want to remix it, got new lines after my studio section...gimme when Don Jazzy pay me, you will get your money! How much you want again, 2000 dollars abi naira, well E no dey,wetin dey be say if na 2000 dollars, Don Jazzy go give you and if na 2000 naira, omo comot outside, I get 8 o'clock paper!!!!!!!

Monday, 27 June 2011

Threading in the Dark

Aaaahhhh, Nepa!!!! Well how many times did you hear that today? If you its either you are presently not in Nigeria or you are not in 9ja! Yes not in 9ja means you are locked somewhere in which the tentacles of Nepa does not reach(my village) or you are stay in a an area where another means of eletricity is used! The funny thing is even when light goes off in your solar-powered building or wherever, the first thing that comes to mind NEPA!!! It is not certain, but Nepa might be amongst the first words most children in Nigeria get to learn. Nepa might be the only body who has changed its name but it continues being called Nepa maybe because we have learnt not to expect power always!
It is only in Nigeria that Law-makers will allocate funds for purchasing of torch-lights! Are you laughing? well Nokia too. That is the exact reason why torch-lite phones or Tee-series as I call them are bestsellers in Nigeria. Darkness will scare most people in other parts of the world but a true Nigerian will go through this without complaint considering even prisoners in civilised nations are not subdued to this! It is something we experience everyday so what is the big deal! Imagine,last week, a Nigerian act, Ikechukwu "Killz" tweeted that  the power supply in Washington went off (maybe because they were Nigerians having a Conference or was it a meeting? closeby.) Are we that attractive to darkness?

Light overcomes darkness, though the Power holders are trying so hard to prove that wrong! It is now so annoying all you see and hear on Commercials are Fridges that last longer with no light, other options of generating electricity etc. Our being called the Giant of Africa is more like a kick in the butt to the African Continent. Such a pity we are living far below the standards set by our Heroes past.